This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
