so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
