If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
