It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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