im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
