i think my mom watched the whole time
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
