Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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