it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
