Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
