My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
