I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize