and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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