we're blogging at a bar
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
