That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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