You can't motorboat a personality
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
