Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
