Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
