Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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