I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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