he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
