Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
