mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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