I got chris browned last night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize