GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
