The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
