she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
