Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
