So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
