i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
