I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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