Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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