I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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