So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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