I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
