My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
