Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize