I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
