the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
