So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
