Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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