that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
