I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
