She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
