is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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