If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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