You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
