His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize