yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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