you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My feet surprised me
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