If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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