is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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