you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
