you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Everything about him screamed your future.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
