how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
