Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Someone signed my nipple.
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