i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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