I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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