When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
