She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
