just tell him i said nine months
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
