What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
