dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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