guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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