Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
