You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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