hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
