I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
