why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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