I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
