standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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