THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
