I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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