The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
