I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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