porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
