just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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