Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
