When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
