Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
