Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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