Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
