You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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