just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
