Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
