He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
